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How gay is Superman?

Published 2:17AM, Monday, 06/05/2006 in Uncategorized

…asks The Advocate.

Answer: not half as gay as Batman.

Honestly, though, it’s not a bad article, especially since the guy who wrote it was a total Marvel Zombie when he was a kid, and thus one of my people.

The LA Times meta-article about it, though, is crap.  It’s all about how everyone has to be nervous that gay people are talking about identifying with superheroes, especially ones in movies directed by a gay man (and I’m not sure what cave I’ve been living in, but I had no idea Bryan Singer is gay).  X-Men movies a metaphor about queer kids?  Pretty obviously; way more than the comics, which were more about the alienation of adolescence.

And then.  And then the LA Times article talks about the Joel Shumacher Batman movies, and how they ruined the franchise, and thus we should be worried about Teh Gay in superhero films.

There’s another reason Batman and Robin did terribly at the box office (only $100 million!), and that is that Batman and Robin was fucking horrible — even worse than Batman Forever.  Can we draw no distinction between a movie with a queer subtext like X-Men, and an incoherent circus of low camp like Batman and Robin?  Not in this article.  Nipples on the bat-suit, themes of ostracism and hidden identity, it’s all the same, it’s all the gay.

Also, in case anyone was wondering: I will never forgive Joel Schumacher, X-Men 3, directed by Not Bryan Singer, was terrible, and I’m excited about Superman Returns.

(LA Times article via Oliver Willis)

6 Responses to “How gay is Superman?”  

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  1. 1 Ananth Jun 5th, 2006 at 1:54 pm

    now this is a post I can get behind. First of all Batman is not gayer than Superman. Yes he lets a 12 year old fight crime with him in hot pants. but that not the point. Batman and Robin and Batman forever don’t exist. They are like Rocky V. They never happened. Never.

    I guess now X-men would most represent a metaphor for queer kids at it were, though at the time it is just a metaphor for any minority. The queer aspect really took off after Bryan SInger and Ian McKellan identified with that aspect, and tied it into all their promotion for the orginal X-Men movie.

    Also, I enjoyed X-men 3. To say it was terrible isn’t quite fair. It was a solid action movie, that should have not even bothered with the Phoenix storyline, but it was enjoyable for what it was. The X-men movie franchise has strayed so far the comics already that comparing it to the comics it worthless.

    Finally, I hope there is a special place in hell for Joel Schumaker.

  2. 2 Steve Jun 5th, 2006 at 7:05 pm

    Batman and Robin and Batman forever don’t exist. They are like Rocky V. They never happened. Never.

    Funny enough, my brother invoked the “Rocky V” rule on X-Men 3, and we agreed that it had never happened as we left the theater. I thought it was inchoerent. Ten minutes after a motherfucker uproots the Golden Gate Bridge, we’re supposed to believe that his best idea for mounting an attack is to throw cars? The X-Men defeat their enemy by giving him the cure, which they find morally abhorrent? Wolverine kills kids left and right like he’s throwing punches? The end is about killing away your problems rather than redemption? Ridiculous as an X-Men movie, and not very good as a stand-alone action movie. Singer changed details, but he got the important stuff right, and he’s just a way better director.

    Joel Schumacher should be stoned to death by a million latex nipples.

  3. 3 Steve Jun 5th, 2006 at 7:07 pm

    Also, Batman’s crazy gay. But super-closeted.

  4. 4 Nicole Jun 5th, 2006 at 7:38 pm

    Some of us have not seen X-Men 3 yet. Batman is not gay.

  5. 5 Kate Jun 6th, 2006 at 3:39 pm

    X-Men 3 was a head-scratchin’ travesty. I am happy to hear of this Rocky V rule.

  6. 6 Ananth Jun 6th, 2006 at 6:10 pm

    Batman not gay. Not Even closeted. But apparently batwoman is.

    Also so is ultimate Collossus.

    For more on the Rocky V rule see the sports guy on the Karate Kid here

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