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Men of Boston, I Implore You

Published 1:07AM, Friday, 05/05/2006 in Having a livejournal moment

I know we all decided lo those many years ago that it was okay to wear black shoes and shirts with khaki pants.  Indeed, a man may cut a fine figure in a black sweater and some khakis.  Black and brown, their enmity is not total; they can be brothers.

But some of you have extrapolated; you have assumed too broad a mandate.  You wear brown shoes under black or gray pants, and it looks like shit.  Stop.  Come back to us.  It’s not too late.  Buy a nice pair of black shoes, and while you’re at it, throw away those white athletic socks.

I’m Steve, and this has been “Men of Boston, I Implore You.”  Join us for our next episode, “Wearing your cellphone on a belt holster makes you look like an asshole.”

And next month, a very special episode we’re calling “People of Boston, I Implore You: Enough with the fucking Burberry tartan already, that shit was played out like five years ago, for serious.”

Good night.

27 Responses to “Men of Boston, I Implore You”  

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  1. 1 Jennifer May 7th, 2006 at 9:32 pm

    I vote for this to be a regular feature. You are right on.

    And Burberry. Seriously played out, people. It’s like the worst mix of khaki and vomit. Why would you put that on your body and walk around?

  2. 2 Steve May 7th, 2006 at 9:43 pm

    I think I pretty much blew my wad on this one. I have said all I must, and now can only hope my words are heeded.

  3. 3 Nicole May 9th, 2006 at 11:39 pm

    I like Burberry. You have bad taste, Steven. And you’re a big dork. I mean, hello. Cool kids don’t wear Transformer t-shirts or baseball hats that say X-Men.

  4. 4 Jennifer May 13th, 2006 at 1:12 am

    Steve, you must watch this.

    http://www.interkosmosmovie.com/media.html

    And if the movie ever comes anywhere near you, you MUST go see it.

    HULK COMMANDS YOU TO LOOK AT THE COSMONAUTS.

  5. 5 Graham May 30th, 2006 at 10:35 pm

    As a guy who wears his bulky ass work Nextel phone on a holster, I protest being called an asshole. I understand if some I-bankers want to show off their phone on a belt clip. I have a Razr and I keep it in my pocket. However the brick that work gave me needs to stay on my belt, and I need to carry it for work. So suck it.

  6. 6 Steve Jun 1st, 2006 at 3:42 pm

    I didn’t say it makes you into an asshole, I said it makes you look like one.

    And I refuse to believe there isn’t a better way. Shoulder-holster, maybe?

  7. 7 Tom Jun 1st, 2006 at 5:08 pm

    I would argue the bluetooth headset goes further and makes you look like a pretentious asshole, whereas people with belt cells are just sort of like uncool dads and uncles - still essentially good people. Whereas the bluetooth headset wearers are tools who probably get manicures and who, as soon as they pass the bookstore threshold, never get past the first table of pop fiction. I suspect they also listen to Coldplay.

  8. 8 Steve Jun 1st, 2006 at 5:11 pm

    I wasn’t using “asshole” in the personality sense, but given that reading of the word, I would agree with your characterization. A bluetooth headset most definitely makes the wearer look like an asshole, and I’d be willing to say that the belt cell just makes you look like a chump.

  9. 9 Nicole Jun 1st, 2006 at 8:27 pm

    Girl perspective: belt holster = not sexy. Potentially chumpy, potentially a-holey, but the girls, they make fun of the guys with the belt holsters. Nick has a bluetooth headset though, and we love him.

  10. 10 Ananth Jun 1st, 2006 at 9:51 pm

    But the bluetooth headset is really cool, and opens your personal data up for attack through things like the this.

    Perhaps instead of a clipping on his belt, Graham can get some kind of European carry all, that preferably matches his shoes.

  11. 11 Nicole Jun 2nd, 2006 at 12:28 pm

    Ohh a man purse. Definitely more along the lines of Steve’s original post, encouraging the men to be more fly and Euro.

  12. 12 Graham Jun 3rd, 2006 at 10:50 pm

    Gentleman and lady,

    The place I work still has guys wearing short sleeve button downs with ties. It looks like those old black and white photos of the Apollo program. I think the man purse might get me fired….and called a communist.

  13. 13 Steve Jun 4th, 2006 at 4:06 am

    I think that means you’re obligated to rock the man-purse.

  14. 14 Nicole Jun 5th, 2006 at 1:52 pm

    OK man-purses cannot be rocked!! They’re not that cool.

  15. 15 Ananth Jun 5th, 2006 at 2:15 pm

    Graham,
    Do not mock the sipowitz look. That is all.

  16. 16 Steve Jun 5th, 2006 at 7:17 pm

    Just a sassy little black-leather clutch, then?

  17. 17 Steve Jun 5th, 2006 at 9:38 pm

    Hey Graham, problem solved.

  18. 18 Graham Jun 5th, 2006 at 10:29 pm

    I don’t knoow how you found that. Actually don’t tell me.

    Awesome.

  19. 19 Kate Jun 6th, 2006 at 3:44 pm

    As the wife of a belt hoslter-bluetooth headset-short-sleave/tie-wearing Super Nerd, I actually am at a loss. I guess we can never move to Boston.

  20. 20 Tom Jun 6th, 2006 at 4:51 pm

    Yeah, but Nick’s blue tooth phone is like, synchronized to the darknet GPS satellite network and his ipod playlists are mood-activated via pheromone-reading RFID chips. Which makes him cool.

    And you should wear thongs for him.

    (looks behind himself to see if there is, in fact, a line…)

  21. 21 Kate Jun 6th, 2006 at 9:06 pm

    I can only imagine what that would do to his pheremone-sniffing iPod…

  22. 22 Nicole Jun 6th, 2006 at 9:33 pm

    What makes me laugh a little bit is that poor Steve is trying to make his little patch of the blogosphere intellectual and we keep dragging it down.

  23. 23 Kate Jun 7th, 2006 at 6:41 pm

    I have noticed that the distinctly less political threads are a bit more popular…

  24. 24 Steve Jun 7th, 2006 at 8:33 pm

    No shit. But then again, I have the same problem commenting on political posts on other blogs, too. Sometimes one has something to contribute, but most of the time a post that just comments on some bit of news isn’t great fodder for discussion.

  25. 25 Kate Jun 9th, 2006 at 3:19 pm

    But cell phone thongs…there’s fodder for you!

  26. 26 Graham Jun 10th, 2006 at 12:24 am

    Mmmm….thongs. Make Nick give me my thong back….

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